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Tama's Musings
Think twice before you're nice.
A few months back I had a disturbing dream. In my dream a woman with stringy blonde hair rang my bell. She asked if she could come in. I didn't want to open the door. But I felt guilty about my reaction. So I let her in. She pulled out a hand gun and shot me. I woke with a start and a racing heart. I clutched my pillow and my life. My inner voice spoke immediately and sharply. "Politeness kills," it said.
This was an extreme way to let me know I had to honor my boundaries. I've never liked the word "boundaries." It sounds like barbed wire or armored trucks. But I do like the feeling of listening to my intuition, respecting my inner instructions. And it feels appropriate and sacred to be mindful of my gold.
I see many creative, incredible individuals who leak their strength and focus with amorphous personal boundaries. We want to be nice, helpful, and well-liked. But bear in mind that your time and attention are your personal reserves of oxygen and hydration. Time and attention create your life's dreams. Dreams keep your soul alive and contribute to all of humanity. I'd like you to create your life's dreams. That's why I'd like you to reflect on where you put your time and attention.
You have a Responsibility to Yourself.
You have a mission here. You have sacred work to do. No one but you knows what you came for. The people in our lives may not appreciate the work we feel compelled to do, the dreams we wish to give birth to. They may fling casual, loose, social standards your way, just like tossing horseshoes at a backyard barbecue.
I used to have a hard time saying no to lunch dates and coffee. People would often say to me, "You have to eat, right?" and I'd feel found out and exposed, like I was hiding time from this person. And then I'd eat with them--and eat my heart out at the same time. Of course they were wonderful people. Of course I got value out of the time together. But that doesn't mean anything. I'd get value out of reading about the history of socks, too. But I had something specific I yearned to do. I wanted to write a book. I ached when I did not write. Every time I said yes to a lunch date, I said no to my dream. That became too wounding. I learned to say "No."
It's not selfish to want to give time to your dream. Your dream will give love and energy into this world. I often think about the people I esteem in life. Mother Teresa had a guiding mission. Martin Luther King had a burning cause. They did not squander their energy or time by being polite. They gave in huge ways because they said no to little things.
It's not Selfish to be Honest
"I don't want to be selfish," said a client of mine recently who admitted not wanting to get together with a friend. "She needs me." Now there are times when someone needs us and we feel called to be there. That's wonderful. When we're called, it feels good to be there. It doesn't feel like an obligation. It feels like a secret mission or a privilege. But more often than not, someone "needs" us and we're afraid to decline.
Here's the thing though. You can't change your feelings. When you truly don't want to do something, it's not doing anyone any favors to lie. Your energy doesn't lie. If you do something you don't want to do, you may just end up being late, angry, sarcastic, withdrawn, and, in general, as mild-mannered as a jackal or a jalapeno pepper. That ride to the airport will be no joyride. And nobody will get what they wanted.
What if you could trust your feelings? What if you knew that if you honored your own needs, you would naturally increase your generosity?
What if it's okay to just love what you love and dislike what you dislike and gravitate where you are drawn? Why do we secretly think we are being ruthless? What if we are being elegant? What if we are daring to live gracefully by daring to listen to our inner voice? What makes you think that your persistent feelings are wrong? I trust that your soul is pure and precious and knows your highest purpose. And I hope you listen to its promptings more than some sick, guilt-inducing nagging, sagging voice that makes you feel burdened inside. One voice will make you feel heavy and one will make you feel light. One is thudding in the wrong direction. And one is turning right.
Your Real Relationships will Support the Real You
Often times we're afraid to honor our boundaries, because we don't want to upset the people around us. Indeed some people will balk at your limits and may even suggest that your decreased availability is the first sign of Satan worship or advanced Narcissism. But real relationships support the real you. I have no doubt that my friends would prefer to hear from me more often than they do. But they prefer my authenticity and happiness even more. That's why they're true friends. Some individuals who seem to demand the most of us are energy vampires. They feed on your warmth and pay no heed to your needs. They will demand that you be giving. And you will never give enough.
Recently while driving to Northern California where I had a speaking engagement, I decided to stop for a quick break. I chose to wander into a small boutique with painted scarves in its windows. When I got into the shop, the owner started telling me about the sales she had going. I nodded politely. She continued to tell me about the rugs she had imported from Turkey and I found myself hanging on every word though I didn't want any rugs or details of her trip. Her enthusiasm kept me paralyzed. I only had a few minutes to stop here and look around. Finally, I excused myself and walked away. The owner followed me and kept talking. She refused to give me space. That's when I walked out of the shop. I decided I did not need to indulge someone who was not respecting me. I breathed in the salt air of that gorgeous ocean town and skipped back to my car. I felt like a fly who had escaped a spider's web.
***
Always be kind. But think twice before you're "nice." Nice, is often a mask of pleasantness we put over negative feelings. Nice is often a form of self-rejection. Real kindness feels good. It's when we give because we want to give and we give in ways that respect everyone, including us.
If you want to give to others, give truly. Give the exceptional gift of taking care of yourself and tending to your dreams. Give the love that can only come from you expressing your unrivaled talents and devotions on this earth. Follow your calling and draw lines when you must. Doing what matters should never be sacrificed for a false idea of manners.
Yours in the dance,
Tama
©Copyright 2005 Tama J. Kieves
Want to discuss this or any other aspect of living your dreams? Please visit our free discussion forum at:
http://www.awakeningartistry.com/resources.discussion.html
Do you like to Promote?
Are you enthusiastic, sharp, and can promote like nobody's business? Or do you think you can? I am looking for someone who can get on the phone and talk to organizations about bringing me in to speak. I'm also looking for someone who can market workshops for me in different cities, someone who's creative and can put their ideas into action. I'm dreaming about working with someone long-term and also building a creative team of people. If any of this calls to you in any way, please write to me at: [email protected].
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Behind the Scenes at Awakening Artistry
Dear Awakening Artistry family members,
I hope you all managed to stay cool during a summer that's been unusually hot for many of us. Here in Denver, with temperatures exceeding 100 degrees almost every day in early July, Tama and I chose to do the obvious. We spent a week in Tucson, Arizona. Oh, but it was worth it! Because that's where Tama lead her second annual retreat at the world famous Canyon Ranch Six Star Resort and Spa. "Famous" is a fitting word, since this world-class spa is frequented by Oprah Winfrey, Julia Roberts and the like. I even did a hike with a pop star "Princess Superstar" while I was there. Truly, this was a nurturing, soul-filled experience for all of us. Some of the participants described the retreat as Shangri-La or Nirvana. But that might have been after one too many hot stone massages. Tama's retreat at "the ranch" is an experience everyone should have at least once in their life! And (Yeah!!) Tama will be offering it again at special discount rates, so be sure to send in your deposit when we do our mailings in January. This year we filled up and had to turn people away.
Later in July, Tama keynoted and facilitated at the annual women's retreat for the "Women of Spirit" from the Spiritual Life Center in Sacramento. And these 110 women were definitely spirited women! "I've never felt so loved in my life," says Tama. "They prayed for my highest good before I spoke, called me a saint, and wrote and sang a song to me called This Time I Dance! Just the week before, I'd been journaling about ‘receiving good,' and boy did these women test me!" Fortunately, Tama passed the test.
And Tama has some great destination vacations still coming up…
Do you know any women lawyers? This Labor Day weekend, join Tama and her colleague Kim Wright at her "Law or Something Else? Loving What You Do"- The Ultimate Women Lawyer's Retreat" event in the Blue Ridge Mountains near Asheville, North Carolina. It's a chance to reconnect with yourself and discover the work you were meant to do! Tama will do a workshop on stirring up your creativity and creating work you love beyond the law, and Kim will focus on stirring up your creativity and focus on creating the work you love within the law. They're a yin and yang and combined with morning yoga and in-room massage (included), this retreat offers it all.
And don't miss the chance to join Tama at the renowned Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in breathtaking Lenox, MA on October 10—14 for her "THIS TIME I DANCE! Trusting the Journey of Creating the Work You Love" retreat. Nestled in the Berkshire Mountains during the peak time to see the astonishing fall foliage, this will be a life-altering 4 days of tapping into your inspired self, stirring up your creativity, getting support, strategy, clarity, and direction and taking real leaps in your life--to create the work you were born to do.
Finally, I wanted to tell you about the exciting new developments with our "Creating the Work You Love" home study course (E-Course). Because of the overwhelming response we received when we invited previous course participants to join another class for FREE, we've decided to extend that offer forever! Since, we believe we all need support…forever! For everyone that has ever taken our 12 week course and everyone who will, you can now repeat the class again for FREE anytime you want as often as you want. We also added a special Alumni Discussion Board where previous students can connect with other previous students and inspire each other along the continuing journey. Check it out when you can! And if you've been toying with the idea of giving yourself weekly support via the online course that students have called " fun, motivational and transformational", now there's even more reason to take the class than ever! A new series begins this September so sign up now!
I look forward to sharing other exciting announcements with you in our next newsletter. Until then, thank you for your continued support! We are very grateful to all of you.
Until next time, I wish you continued blessings on your journey,
Paul
Destination Vacations:
We are terribly excited about the world-class destination vacations and life-changing retreats Tama has scheduled in 2005 and want to help you plan ahead and not miss out on the time of your life!!
September 2-5, 2005 "Reconnecting with your Self and Discovering the Work You Were Meant to Do: The Ultimate Women Lawyer's Retreat." Join Tama and her colleague Kim Wright at this event in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains near Asheville, North Carolina. It's a chance to reconnect with yourself and discover the work you were meant to do! Tama will do a workshop on stirring up your creativity and creating work you love beyond the law, and Kim will focus on stirring up your creativity and focus on creating the work you love within the law. They're a yin and yang and combined with morning yoga and in-room massage (included), this retreat offers it all. Note: We have decided to open up this retreat to interested non-lawyers as well, as the material is helpful to any profession...and because we've had requests!
 Download more information (PDF format)
Place deposit now on-line
October 10-14, 2005: Don't miss the chance to join Tama at the renowned Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in breathtaking Lenox, MA on October 10-14 for her "THIS TIME I DANCE! Trusting the Journey of Creating the Work You Love" retreat. Nestled in the Berkshire Mountains during the peak time to see the astonishing fall foliage, this will be a life-altering 4 days of tapping into your inspired self, stirring up your creativity, getting support, strategy, clarity, and direction and taking real leaps in your life--to create the work you were born to do. See the Kripalu Web Site for more details, phone 800-741-7353, or
Download more information (PDF format)
Upcoming Event Highlights:
As always, please visit our Calendar page for a complete and up-to-date listing of events. We are always adding events: http://www.awakeningartistry.com/calendar.html
Do you have friends and family in any of these areas? Please considering sharing this information with them.
In our ongoing mission to give people permission to live their authentic and creative lives, we are always looking for new groups to talk to. If you have a group or know of a group that would be interested in hosting Tama, please let us know. Much of how we reach and create community is through miracles like you!
September 2005
| September 2-5
Asheville NC
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Reconnecting with your Self and Discovering the Work You Were Meant to Do:
The Ultimate Women Lawyer's Retreat
Join Tama and her colleague Kim Wright at this event in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains near Asheville, North Carolina. It's a chance to reconnect with yourself and discover the work you were meant to do! Tama will do a workshop on stirring up your creativity and creating work you love beyond the law, and Kim will focus on stirring up your creativity and focus on creating the work you love within the law. They're a yin and yang and combined with morning yoga and in-room massage (included), this retreat offers it all. Note: We have decided to open up this retreat to interested non-lawyers as well, as the material is helpful to any profession...and because we've had requests!
Download more information (PDF)
Place deposit now on-line
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September 6 -
November 22
Online
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Creating The Work You Love E-Course
Twelve-Week Home Study Course Begins
Do you ever feel like you're too busy to focus on what you really want to do with your life? Or do you have a hard time staying confident and motivated? For only $75.00, about $6.00 a week, the E-Course is designed to help you coach yourself into creating your dreams. It's all self-paced so there is no need to be available at any particular time. You can transform your life by giving about an hour a week to each lesson! Each lesson comes with a 5 minute audio meditation designed for you to use daily which helps the work take place on a deeper level. You also get access to a special message board where you can share your journey and get support from fellow students around the country. Tama periodically monitors this forum and offers advice.
Download more information (PDF)
Register on-line
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| September 8
Denver CO
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From Fear to Freedom: An Introduction to A Course in Miracles
Offered through Colorado Free University
6:00 - 9:00pm
Love and fear color not only our actions, but also the way we see our lives and the way we interpret events and relationships. Join us as we explore the principles of the internationally popular A Course in Miracles, a spiritual psychotherapy program that has provided millions of individuals with the tools to return to inner guidance and purpose. Optional study/support group follows.
Register on-line via CFU's Web Site
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| September 13
Denver CO
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Fun Ink! Unleashing the Fire of Your Inner Writer
Offered through Colorado Free University
6:00pm - 9:00pm
You say you want to write those poems, keep that journal, or dare to pen that novel. Now it's time to set aside those internal critics and delve into a hands-on creative writing extravaganza. In a safe and supportive environment, you will practice exercises designed to set free the natural writer within you. Leave with a sure-fire way to continue at home! Optional support group follows.
Register on-line via CFU's Web Site
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| September 17
Denver CO
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Create the Work You Love! A Transformational Day Retreat
Unity of Denver, 3021 S. University Blvd.
10:00am - 3:00pm
Have you always known you had a calling inside you, but you didn’t know how to uncover it, believe in it, or craft it into a livelihood and life? Or have you jumped into a creative expression and want to take it to the next wondrous level? Come join Tama and learn how to answer your fears and live your authentic calling. $99.00 includes the workshop and FREE "Life/Work Transformation Package" (book, tape, and CD!)
Download more information (PDF)
Register on-line
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September 19 -
December 5
Denver CO
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A Course in Miracles:
An Experiential Workshop of Choosing Love Instead of Fear.
Choose to listen to a Voice of Strength within instead of a voice of weakness. Open to an inspired way of experiencing yourself and all the relationships in your life. Dare to flourish and heal. Come experience weekly support for an inspired way to live!
Ten-session course. Monday nights (no class on October 10 and November 28).
Download more information (PDF)
Register on-line
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| September 23
Seattle WA
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Fun Ink! Unleashing the Fire of Your Inner Writer
Offered through Discover U, Seattle
6:30pm - 9:30pm
Do you always say you want to write but then avoid it? Maybe you long to write articles, poems, a novel or a self-help book. Well, it's time to set aside those dream-stealing inner critics and distractions and delve into a hands-on creative writing extravaganza. In a safe and supportive environment, practice exercises designed to set free the natural writer within you. Learn from a bestselling author and sought-after writing coach how to get past fear, stay motivated, and write with surprising talent and passion. Leave with a sure-fire way to practice at home! Optional support group follows.
Download more information (PDF)
Register on-line via Discover U's Web Site
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| September 24
Seattle WA
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Trusting the Journey of Creating the Work You Love
Offered through Discover U, Seattle
10:00am - 1:00pm
If you're this successful doing work you don't love, what could you do with work you do love? Are you
aching to discover work that expresses your true self, yet day after day you
work hard to keep the job that kills you instead? Or have you jumped into a
creative expression and want to catapult it to the next wondrous level? Come
join Tama and learn how to let go of your limits and live
and breathe the work you were born to do. In this hands-on workshop, learn how to:
*Tap your unstoppable inner strength
*Name and claim your real desires
*Answer your loudest fears
*Turn your talents into a life and livelihood
*And most of all, "trust the journey" of working from your heart instead of your head. With lots of real-world wisdom, warmth and humor, Tama inspires you to start honoring and living your dreams today. Optional support group follows.
Download more information (PDF)
Register on-line via Discover U's Web Site
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| September 24
Seattle WA
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A Course in Miracles: Living in Love Instead of Fear
Offered through Discover U, Seattle
2:00pm - 5:00pm
Come open to an inspired way of experiencing yourself and all the relationships in your life. You can choose to live your life in love instead of fear. Love and fear color not only your actions, but the way you see your life, the interpretations you assign to events and relationships. Join in and explore the wondrous principles of the internationally popular A Course in Miracles, a spiritual psychotherapy program that has provided millions of individuals with the tools to return to a transformational experience of inner guidance and life's purpose. Optional study/support group follows.
Download more information (PDF)
Register on-line via Discover U's Web Site
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October 2005
| October 10-14
Lenox MA
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Don't miss the chance to join Tama at the renowned Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in breathtaking Lenox, MA on October 10-14 for her "THIS TIME I DANCE! Trusting the Journey of Creating the Work You Love" retreat. Nestled in the Berkshire Mountains during the peak time to see the astonishing fall foliage, this will be a life-altering 4 days of tapping into your inspired self, stirring up your creativity, getting support, strategy, clarity, and direction and taking real leaps in your life--to create the work you were born to do. See the Kripalu Web Site for more details, phone 800-741-7353, or
Download more information (PDF)
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November 2005
| November 3
Denver CO
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Fun Ink! Unleashing the Fire of Your Inner Writer
Offered through Colorado Free University
6:00pm - 9:00pm
You say you want to write those poems, keep that journal, or dare to pen that novel. Now it's time to set aside those internal critics and delve into a hands-on creative writing extravaganza. In a safe and supportive environment, you will practice exercises designed to set free the natural writer within you. Leave with a sure-fire way to continue at home! Optional support group follows.
Register on-line via CFU's Web Site
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| November 5
Denver CO
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From Fear to Freedom: An Introduction to A Course in Miracles
Offered through Colorado Free University
6:00 - 9:00pm
Love and fear color not only our actions, but also the way we see our lives and the way we interpret events and relationships. Join us as we explore the principles of the internationally popular A Course in Miracles, a spiritual psychotherapy program that has provided millions of individuals with the tools to return to inner guidance and purpose. Optional study/support group follows.
Register on-line via CFU's Web Site
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November 6 -
January 10
Online
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Creating The Work You Love E-Course
Twelve-Week Home Study Course Begins
Do you ever feel like you're too busy to focus on what you really want to do with your life? Or do you have a hard time staying confident and motivated? For only $75.00, about $6.00 a week, the E-Course is designed to help you coach yourself into creating your dreams. It's all self-paced so there is no need to be available at any particular time. You can transform your life by giving about an hour a week to each lesson! Each lesson comes with a 5 minute audio meditation designed for you to use daily which helps the work take place on a deeper level. You also get access to a special message board where you can share your journey and get support from fellow students around the country. Tama periodically monitors this forum and offers advice.
Download more information (PDF)
Register on-line
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Our address: Awakening Artistry, P.O. Box 9040, Denver, CO 80209-9040
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