People often ask me how I came up with the title “This Time I Dance!” for a book about career transition, or really any life reinvention. There’s more than you want to know about that, but I’ll just tell you that I wanted to write about the courage to make a different decision in your life.
As a young woman, I made the decision to become a lawyer. I invested a great deal of sweat, time, and identity in that decision. I slogged through everything it took.
But what do you do, when after a great deal of time, effort, and money, you realize you don’t want the life you created?
I pretty much wrote it off, decided it was too hard to change my life. It was too late. I thought about telling family, dinners pushed aside and disappointed faces. I thought about having less money or seeing a thick fog where I should see a defined track to bonuses, praise, and retirement. It would be too terrifying and ask too much of me, I concluded in my tear-stained journal. Next time, (as in the next life, if there was one,) I’ll get it right, I wrote. Yeah, next time, I’ll listen to myself from the beginning.
But something beyond thought welled up inside me. A Great Love disguised as a great pain, said “No.” This Time. This Time I Dance. This time I choose freedom. This time I choose life. This time I choose puma courage. I choose passion. I choose to believe in a compassionate, creative God and a strength, direction, and security I can’t even imagine…yet have to have. This time I choose to walk with the artists, the pilgrims, the leaders, the saints and the ones who can laugh in many colors. This time I undo every other self-betrayal and choose to be my real self in my real life. I choose what I desire. I choose to pay reverence to my instincts more than my conditioning. I choose love instead of fear. I choose trust. This Time I Dance.
Anyone else hear the music?